Sex After Baby
Returning to sexual intimacy after having a baby – whether it was a belly birth or vaginal birth – can feel overwhelming, and even a little scary. As a perinatal pelvic floor therapist, I work with people as they navigate a return to sexual intimacy after having a baby. These are some of the common things I hear from postpartum clients:
“I don’t really want sex right now. I’m so touched out by the end of the day.”
“I’m scared it will feel different. For both of us.”
“Will it hurt?”
“I had a c-section, so I thought everything would be the same down there.”
“I know there were stitches – I’m worried it looks different now.”
Pregnancy and childbirth cause radical changes in every aspect of life, and especially to the physical body. The changes to bone structure, muscle mass, internal pressure, and possible injury to the pelvic floor during birth, or scar tissue from a c-section can all impact pelvic floor function.
The pelvic floor is a group of muscles positioned at the bottom of your pelvis, and one of their roles is to allow for comfortable and enjoyable sexual function. Since these muscles go through significant changes during pregnancy and birth, it’s common to experience changes to sexual function.
There is not a one-size-fits-all answer to common questions about returning to sex postpartum, but we’re here to open the conversation! Communicating with your partner is a must. Seeing a mental health professional to work through fears and concerns about your body or your relationship is one of the best things you can do. And we highly recommend seeing a pelvic floor therapist if you experience any pain or discomfort with sex. You should be able to have enjoyable sex with strong orgasms even after having babies.
Here are a few of our favorite tips for returning to sex after having a baby:
Start with self-exploration. Using your fingers or a wand, start to get comfortable with your vulva and pelvic floor. It may look and feel different depending on how early postpartum you are, and how your birth went. Using a mirror is also a wonderful way to get in tune with your breath, pelvic floor movement and control.
Breathwork! A good deep breath will relax your whole body and calm your nervous system. It’s normal to feel a little nervous or unsure about what the first time after having a baby will feel like. And your breath is THE best tool to help calm your brain & your body.
RELAX that pelvic floor. Imagine relaxing the whole area between your pubic bone, “sit” bones and tailbone. If you’re not sure how to do that or if you’re doing it right, ask a pelvic floor therapist!
Lots of lube! Postpartum hormones (and as long as you’re breastfeeding) impact vaginal and vulvar tissue. The tissue is drier, less elastic and less supportive. Vaginal moisturizer is also a great option to decrease that dry sensation. Some people may also need prescription estrogen. We recommend talking with your provider about this if the dryness is especially bothersome for you.
Communication is key. Your partner loves you and wants you to enjoy sexual intimacy. You don’t need to jump back into it at 6 weeks just because you’ve been “cleared” by your doctor. Let your partner know what you’re feeling. Rebuild intimacy throughout the day in small ways that help you both feel loved and wanted. When you’re ready to have sex again, talk through the process. It’s not a time to power through pain or discomfort. If anything is painful, it’s time to check in with a pelvic floor therapist.
Start with positions that you can control depth of penetration if penetration is part of your sexual experiences. This can help your body relax, be in control, and to back off if anything becomes uncomfortable.
Take the pressure off. No one needs to orgasm. Look at your re-entry into sexual intimacy after baby as an opportunity to explore your relationship again. What feels good? What doesn’t? Take the time to get to know your body and your partner again.
There is so much more to sexual intimacy than the physical aspect. Sleep, mental health, hormones, and a major identity shift all contribute to how you feel about returning to sex after having a baby. It’s a lot to work through! And it’s something that we should be talking about. If you’re worried about your interest in sex, any pain or discomfort during sex, or anything at all related to intimacy, make an appointment with a pelvic floor therapist. We’re here to support you in every part of the journey!
Written by: Dr. Courtney Trocinski